'$12000 over the last three years that I have never seen again': 28-year-old man refuses to continue paying his 24-year-old brother's rent, leading to his brother being evicted and moving in with their parents

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jul 9, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

How many times can you try to save someone in trouble before you have to take a step back and let them save themselves? Well, lets try looking at two situations that hold both intertwined and differentiating ideas. 

Take a lifeguard for example. Their job: rescue someone who is trapped in/under a body of water. Now let's put a little spin on it, what happens if the exact same irresponsible swimmer keeps requiring saving? Time and time again, he goes back to the area with the strong current, and like clockwork, the lifeguard is forced to run across the beach to save him in time, even after he continuously warning him about the specific areas to avoid. The fact of the matter is, no matter how frustrating the lifeguard may find the swimmer, that is his job - so regardless of how many times the man ignores his orders, there he goes…called to the rescue like a scene straight out of Baywatch.

Now Picture this story: You keep lending your younger brother money, he always seems to be running low and unable to make his rent. But after a few years of this back and fourth inconvenience, even if you can afford to, this time you decide to put your foot down, every though it means he will be evicted and forced to live with your parents. 

Unlike the lifeguard, who feels an equal sense of frustration, it is not your job to support your brother… and sometimes the only way to get someone out of trouble is to stop providing them with all the solutions in their lap. 

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  • Oftentimes life gets us stuck in situations that often feel like a overpowering current, we lack control over how the ocean acts, but the more we try to control it, the harder it gets to breathe. This older brother is fed up with trying to force his younger brother to get his life together, he is no longer willing to help him, after consistently facing disappointment. Even though this may cause a shipwrecked-size rift within their family, this brother has realized that the only way to save his brother is by forcing him to swim shore alone. 

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    8913 DOLLARS WER 20 โคด "He was crying on the phone and assured me that he would pay me back in two months, guaranteed" 6I V 89149010
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    AITA for letting my brother get evicted when I could have easily helped him?

    So I (28M) work in tech and make reasonable money. My younger brother (24M) has always struggled financially by going
    via MousseAcceptable111
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    from job to job and asking family for help. About a month ago he texted me completely desperate. His landlord is going to evict him and
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    he needs $1200 by the end of the week or he would be homeless. He was crying on the phone and assured me that he would pay me
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    back in two months, guaranteed. I felt horrible but I told him that I could not lend him the money. The thing is... I could afford it. I
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    have a decent emergency fund and it would not have a financial negative affect on me. However, I honestly just felt tired of him
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    asking for money for years, never paying it back properly. It has possibly been $12000 over the last three years that I have never seen again.
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    He ended up having to move back in with my parents, which has been an enormous strain on them as they try to downsize for
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    retirement. Our mom keeps making passive aggressive comments about how "some people have the means to help family but just choose not to help."
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    My brother found out I got a raise recently and now hardly speaks to me. He felt that I stood by and watched him become
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    Cheezburger Image 10526056192
    via jacoblund

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    homeless when I could have easily prevented it. But I feel like I had to draw the line? He is 24 and needs to get a
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    life instead of relying on family. But I just feel like total garbage when I see him sleeping on my parents couch.
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  • 14
    AITA for letting my brother get evicted when I could have helped?
    via MousseAcceptable111
  • 15
    NayelleFrost NTA. You didn't make him homeless you just refused to be his crash pad (again) after he burned through $12k of yours. Some people need to lose the safety net
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    to learn how to walk, tough love. Ur a good brother, sometimes it just means looking like the villain. He'll understand after he gets back on his feet on his own (I hope).
    via NayelleFrost
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    MousseAcceptable111 OP Thanks, I really hope you're right about him understanding eventually.
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    frosted DragonRider You're NTA, I get that it's family but that doesn't mean they should depend on you just cause you can afford it, I would understand helping
    via frostedDragonRider
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    here and there but he hasn't paid you back from the other times so that right there would be a no from me too.
    via frostedDragonRider
  • 20
    SugarWild Muffin You set a boundary. He needs to take responsibility for his own finances.
    via SugarWildMuffin
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    MousseAcceptable111 OP Thanks, that's what I keep telling myself but the guilt is still eating on me
    via MouseeAcceptable111
  • 22
    Software Maintenance Bro is already in $12k debt. He is never paying back any of that money. He just can't afford his rent. No. need to throw more money at the problem. That will only result in losing additional money.
    via SoftwareMaintenance

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